Do I have to tell my childhood to my son?
I had a difficult childhood and I reproduced it with my two sons. I feel today the oldest (35 years old) bad in his life and I'm afraid for him. I did an analysis myself and understood many things. Do I have to tell him about my story? Anne, Saulieu
Thank you for your letter, Anne. Very beautiful and especially very true. And I can immediately answer the question that you ask me: yes, I think it would be useful for you to tell your eldest son what your analysis has allowed you to understand in your story. You say that you were for your two sons, and especially for him, a distant mother but also "abusive" (that's your word). You have been uncompromising for his school work. Shouting and threatening him to the point that he told you one day, at age 7, that you scared him.
Today, he confesses he does not know how to say no, especially to women (and he suffers). He thus passes from one affair to another, with companions who love him but whom he does not like and whom he does not dare to refuse what they ask him for. It may be related to his fears of child ... You have understood, in analysis, what your story was. A childhood with a mother born under X, who knew nothing of her origins and who had been, child, abused. And a father who scared you. Your mother, prevented from going to school, over-supervised your schooling. It was hard, and you repeated with your children that hardness until you understood it.
Telling all of this to your son is like giving him a thread, a compass to understand what he has been through. So it's very important to him. Especially since it is also a way of telling him - and proving to him - that, although your own story has brought you to do, you have always loved him and continue to love him and to be attentive to his life.